I feel like William Wallace as depicted in the movie Braveheart. Of course, this epic last cry was only the final expression of who he was. His heart had been set free long before his body was about to be freed of his head. My heart, too, has been set free.
In a spine tingling synchronicity, the sort of which one never tires of, the scene outside the window is just like what I feel inside. A whole lotta flow! It looks, sounds, and even smells, like freedom. It is exciting, breathtaking, and inspiring.
The special view out the window here at Red Rock Crossing in Sedona is quite different today. It rarely rains here outside of monsoon season, but it has been raining since last night. Must be raining up in Flag too, because, well, Oak Creek has been set free from its banks, and it is running wild! The rocks that make the crossing are somewhere beneath the foamy, chocolate-colored torrent. Logs, branches, and other debris are sailing past me, flying downstream with the raging current. The river at this point is usually about 10-15 ft. across. It’s a couple hundred now! Check it out 🙂
To some, this would look ominous. Or destructive. I feel free, so I see freedom. Our perception truly is from the inside out.
Why do I feel so free? I let go of the need to write another blog. Yeah…like this one. Ironic, isn’t it?
Wanting and needing are not the same thing. Desire is born of love and inspiration, while the mother of need is fear. The ego is a sneaky bastard. It likes to backdoor you through even the best of intentions and create an attachment to what may have been a fearless and noble desire.
Think about it. As soon as you start to feel you need something, or someone, or to do something, or be someone, you become afraid of not having it, doing it, or being it. And in fear there is no freedom, and no flow. Lose the fear, find the freedom, and you’re back in the flow.
I have sat down to write a post countless times in the month since the last one. Boca Chica Beach? Geesh…so much has happened since then! Seems like so long ago…
There was an incredible workshop in Austin and it’s impact, for starters. Plenty to share from that! The trip from Texas to Sedona, AZ, off the beaten interstate and through the mountains, and my first epic day here in Sedona and the victories and manifestations of a new life beginning to unfold. I was experiencing new states of sustained being.
Then I went up to Kanab, UT to visit my sister Grace. The ride up and back alone felt blog worthy. It was an incredible 4 days of fun, laughter, heart to heart sharing, bike riding and the best food I have had in a long time. The Universe added to the glory of those days by connecting me with who I really am through a truly incredible book. (The Afterlife of Billy Fingers, Annie Kagan- thank you!) Blog post! Nope. Sigh….I sorta knew what the Universe was trying to help me see, especially after reading that book, but despite my joy and connection I wasn’t ready to let go.
I got back to Sedona and in a couple days found myself deciding to get serious on the bike and do some mountain climbing. To feel my quads screaming, lungs pumping, and heart fully engaged, after all these years….well, if I had the breath in the moment to cry I would have. I was living a new reality, and it was beyond satisfying.
I felt the need to share it all, and got stuck every time. And that’s just it. I needed to, so I was afraid of not being able to. And that fear was mucking up the works. My mind was not a clear channel for my thoughts.
I can see in myself an obsession with doing that extends back beyond this one life. What am I supposed to do? How am I doing at what it is that I am supposed to be doing? I’m talkin’ big picture stuff, spiritual stuff here. The last 10 years have been my awakening, and the healing of my mind, body and soul has, through the ups and downs, been one of love, empowerment and freedom.
I love sharing my journey. And my ego has loved it too. I have let go of so very much, surrendered in almost every way possible, yet the need to write has lingered.
What happened? How did I let it go?
Well, when we are ready, the Universe always gives us what is in our highest good. Once again, another book was brought to my attention. I took one look at the back cover and knew the book I felt I had inside me had already been written. There it was. Already there for anyone who was looking. Epic sigh of relief that extended, it felt, all the way to my soul. Check that off the need-to-do list. Actually, this book helps one rip up the list altogether.
The book? Neal Donald Walsh’s latest gift, “God’s Message to the World: You Got Me All Wrong“. The best book I have ever read, hands down. A most important book, in my opinion. Religion has shaped a view of God that affects every aspect of our lives, our relationships, our governments, our commerce, our justice system….everything. Read it, and set your heart free.
So here I am writing another blog post about how I don’t need to write any more blog posts. It’s awesome, really! That’s the beauty of all this.
When we let go of our needs and the fear attached to them, we always move closer to and deeper into Love. Fear is the only thing that keeps us from the never-ending flow of love and gratitude that is extends through all Consciousness. And from Love, there is joy, desire and creation. When we let go of what fear had us needing to do, or who fear had us needing to be, (either for ourselves, for others, or even for “God”) we may find the freedom and flow of Love has us being or doing the very same things. Or not. Perhaps an entirely new life erupts from the depths of our freed heart.
Freedom and flow. It’s the scene outside the window and inside my heart! May it be yours in increasing measure!
Love and gratitude,