It had been a long time. Tears came as I felt my body release in ways long forgotten. My heart was setting my body free. I was dancing.
As I shared about in the last post, it has been a long journey with pain. My resistance that pain, more than the pain itself, had kept my heart and body from true freedom for many years. While I have been able to resume activities like biking and easy hiking, the motion of my body had remained controlled, limited….governed by caution. I had lacked the pure, childlike joy and trust that comes with a truly free heart.
But there I was, alone in my apartment, my body moving in rhythm to Justin Timberlake and Chris Stapleton’s Say Something. There was no thinking, no attempts at dance moves I thought were dance moves…I was just moving, with my heart’s joy and growing passion leading the way.
As I felt my hips, knees and even a sore ankle open up, part of me was amazed at what I was doing. That lasted 2 seconds, and then a wave of remembrance washed over me. This is how I used to feel in my body. This is normal. My heart broke open as old perceptions broke away.
I was aware of how my back was doing everything the flow was asking of it, and tears of gratitude and joy welled up. My back, my support~this had long been the part of my body most governed by caution. It now felt unlimited. My heart soared, the dancing became stronger, more free. I had never known what ecstatic dance felt like.
Sure, there had been dancing in my younger days. But dancing at a party or club had always required alcohol. Without that lubricant my insecurities didn’t allow my heart to really lead the way. And the one time I can remember dancing in a crowded room sober I was in my head, trying hard to look good. Dancing other peoples’ steps.
I have had several more dance parties in my kitchen. It is wonderful each time. I have begun to look at ecstatic dance as the exhale to meditation’s inhale. Our relationship to the Divine within (and without) is much like the breath. It is a flow, an exchange of energy and information. There are inhalations when we receive, exhalations when we flow it back out, and the sacred pauses in between. Those moments both empty and full in their stillness.
It makes sense to me that I have found the freedom to dance again at the same time my heart has wanted to give more to the collective. I have spent years meditating and finding lost parts of myself in those quiet inhalations. I have shared much of what I have found there to those close to me, and wrote about some of it in this blog,. But until recently I hadn’t let go of enough of my survival thinking to take any steps into a greater vision for my life.
I’m deeply grateful for Kyle Cease, and the inner work that has birthed workshops like The Limitation Game. (which, btw, you can get for only $20 at kylecease.com) He has been a bit part of me being able to step out of my old story. That and the love of a muse. Thank you Leen.
So in this Now I exhale more fully. I write more, I am stepping into teaching more….and I dance! The more of ourselves we flow out, the more space we make to receive. The inhalations bring more inspiration. I am amazed every day what meditation gifts me with. There is no limit to possibility when connect to who we really are.
P.S. In case you’ve never heard it….