Waiting For The Answers

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Indecision is a bitch. The mental and emotional angst of going back and forth between options…ugh. It is both agitating and draining at the same time.

And its catchy. The stress cage can spread from being unsure in regards to a diet, job or relationship to any and all smaller decisions. Soon we can’t decide if it’s time to shower or not. Never mind what to wear afterwards.

Certainty lines us up with the energy of that possibility, and being aligned always feels better than inner discord. Even lining up with fear, or any of its the negative emotion it spawns. Sometimes we just need to get out in the woods and vent, right? If anger or sadness is there, allowing ourselves to feel it fully is always going to feel better than jumping to and from the urge to cry to judging that feeling.

walking the fence

I have spent a great deal time on the proverbial fence. From all the aforementioned issues to a multitude of others, big and small. Pain brings the emotions of survival. Yet I know enough to want more than enduring. And mindfulness, like many powerful things, is a double edged sword. I see it it all within me, my perception of my experience and my reaction to it, in every minute. It’s a lot to process.

How to BE in any given moment? I’m remembering again the simplicity of it all. Be present and listen. When I do, I have clarity. When I forget this the fence appears everywhere.

In an effort to be done with the stress of walking it, I have far too often made a decision from it, and hopped off onto one side or the other. Of course there is relief~ I’m back on the ground, aligned with something.

Here’s the problem. We are never on the fence when fully present. We are one with our life as it is, and there is no pressure to change it. We can wait patiently for the wisdom of our true desire to rise to the surface of the now still waters within.

When we make a decision from the mind, it is made from a limited place. A place of past experience and the predictable future. In moments of presence I can see how my path, while always purposeful, has been more winding than necessary. I haven’t always been present, and therefore patient, long enough. This  has led to those just-get-off-the-damn-fence decisions. Some of which have cost me and those close to me a great deal.

If you’re feeling the weight of indecision, know that there is more than one way to get out from under it. Sure, you can leap from the fence of your mind. Or you can let the present moment lift you high above it. And wait.

There is so much more to see from here.

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