Let’s Get Real~ My Own Real Right Now

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In the event this is your first time on this blog….hello!

My name is Todd Buckman. I have had 50 years of Life experience in this particular body. A body I don’t know my mind has ever been completely satisfied with.

There was asthma and chronic bronchitis when  was young, an incredibly late start to a puberty that I often felt never quite finished, then back and joint issues that began in my early thirties. These began to limit my enjoyment of exercise and eventually my ability to work. Pain became a constant companion.

It’s not as though this dissatisfaction was always conscious. It was often that under the surface kind of tension that exists when the deep down truth is that you wish something in your life were different than it is.  The subtle inner conflict we often don’t even realize is there until we have a moment when it’s not. I started having those moments when mediation and yoga cultivated deeper presence, and found the peace and grace that exists outside of the thinking mind and it’s patterned identity.

I suppose this is, in many ways, the age old human condition we dance with. We can awaken to its observation, as many more are right now, and in doing so realize we are so much more than our mind’s identity. We can expand our cosmic awareness, and find freedom beyond the body. I certainly did. Accepting my eternal nature was easy. What has been more challenging is to embody this freedom by fully embracing all aspects of my humanity.

It feels as though this inner struggle, this judgment of what is, has been the cause of an autoimmune inflammatory response in my body. The emotional body reflected in the physical one. Emotional reality becoming a physical one.

This is my real right now.

[This was recorded a week or so ago.]

This is part 2. The next day…

2 thoughts on “Let’s Get Real~ My Own Real Right Now

  1. Mary Dixon

    I’m sorry you are in so much pain. I have a toothache today, worried that it’s an infection, and am realizing how distracting and derailing any amount of physical pain can be. Agree with the point about not creating from dissatisfaction. If you can find something that really excites or inspires you to be part of, even if it is not your “work” or is aside from work you might find… it can perhaps provide the juice to propel you towards something. It is good that you at least found the energy to create your blog today. That is something. When we lose hope it is very difficult, I know. Was listening to Matt Kahn videos, forget which one, maybe the one what it is to heal, or maybe the victimhood one..where he mentions the cycles of either growing or dying (I forget even which words he used for that), like having money come in and then having too many expenses and losing it all again…just accepting that this is the way of it, like an ebb and flow. If you can see yourself just in an ebb phase and that it’s all cyclical, maybe that can allow you to rest and restore and keep looking forward.
    And then …I listened to the second audio… The energy of “have to” is hard. An expression I am trying to use lately is not even “want to” but “I GET to”…I GET to go to work, or whatever…and see what we do that we often resist can often be a privilege almost. Decisions are greatly freeing, yes. Glad you feel better today. I’ll leave what I replied to yesterday’s audio. Good luck with Sedona. Perhaps you’ll be back at Kyle’s retreat in May?

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    1. tbuckman1 Post author

      Aw, thank you Mary for your love, and kind words. For taking the time to share them…I appreciate it. Yes, I heard that Matt Kahn video. It, as they all are, was wonderful. His teachings are like a warm hug, are they not? I made another audio already, from here in Sedona, but I haven’t posted it yet. Things shift so fast. Yes, “I get to” is the energy of gratitude. So much better, I agree. I will not be at Kyle’s retreat in May, and will miss seeing all of you again. I’m grateful we can stay connected in these ways. Thanks again for you thoughts. I hope your tooth is feeling better.

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