“What am I seeking?” doesn’t seem as important as why I am seeking at all.
Why am I seeking, inwardly and outwardly? Why am I looking beyond what is, and who I am in this Now?
I was afraid of failing. Of not getting this right. This being, well…life, I guess. My soul’s purpose. Where does that fear come from?
Stopping to look at it has always given me a break from being it.
That fear comes from judgment. Which, whenever I’ve come to a complete stop, I see is just that: a learned and stored idea. It doesn’t exist in the pure present Moment. It doesn’t exist anywhere else in Nature. It doesn’t exist outside the human mind.
And it is only real if I make it so.
Mmm. Shame…judgement. I think of the story of Adam and Eve. Some deep truth there. Playing like children, enjoying existence in a beautiful place, with no disconnect from each other, from their own inner freedom. From the Divinity they knew.
Then what? The idea of “right and wrong”, of good and evil was introduced. Or created. Or evolved. Ah, the human frontal lobe. That which sets us apart. The blessing and the curse.
Is it not the same with us as children? We are Adam or Eve, playing in innocence until we are taught otherwise from those outside the Garden. The idea of judgement is shared with us, and we accept it. And begin striving and seeking so as not to fail.
In this fear we take from one another that which isn’t offered. We fight with each other. We fight for whatever assuages our fears. We even fight to force our perceived solutions onto others, so we can feel even more worthy of this, our illusion of safety. Anything that isn’t always present is an illusion of our making.
Illusions get heavy. They require a lot of energy to maintain.
Enlightenment, salvation, happiness… if you have to earn them, or seek them at all, they too become heavy illusions.
In the complete absence of judgment we aren’t seeking anything, or protecting what we have. We wouldn’t be separated from each other, and from ourselves as playful children.
Without judgment we wouldn’t be trying to control each other’s behaviors. And without the fear that births all of this, would there even be unkind behavior to control?
In stopping long enough, in dropping deeply enough into pure presence, I set myself free once again. The joy of this has me squealing like a child who knows the delight of Life. Of simply being alive, here and Now.
#afreeheart #enlightenment #spiritualseeker #thepresentmoment #freeofjudgement