Tag Archives: #selflove

I Don’t Know

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I sat in the rising sun this morning, (a bit later than this, 😉 feeling it’s warmth my skin. The energy of an homemade orange/ginger/celery juice was lighting me up on the inside. And for the first few moments, my mind was content to just enjoy that.
To just be there. The morning breeze rustling the leaves. The wild rabbits hopping about, nibbling on weeds.  The ants beneath the chair moving intently on their silent missions. My deepening presence bringing It’s usual peace and quiet trust to my breath.
I noticed it didn’t take long for my mind to then reach for conclusions from yesterday. For the latest version of “I understand what’s going on”. I was reminded again of how desperate my mind is for that. That feeling of having things figured out.
A deep breath followed. I smiled inwardly at my mind.
No, friend, you don’t. You don’t know what is next. For Todd, for this country, for humankind. Let it go. Come, just breathe with me. The grace, the wonder of this moment is sweeter without the temporary comfort you seek. Can you feel this? This trust, this openness to the mystery of Life?
And the I that is my mind was reminded. I don’t know. And it is indeed sweeter that way. Held in the arms of something far more vast, filled with far more peace and potential than I can conjure up.
After awhile, the Arizona sun grew hot, and I came inside. I had second breakfast with old friend Alan Watts. My heart loves some Alan Watts. He puts my beliefs in the back seat. He is a voice of the unknown, of surrender. He is Zen- without the traditions.
I listened to the video below. And the end of it describes exactly where I was outside on the chair. Funny how that happens.
I went inside to go to the bathroom. My mind leaped at the opportunity. Something familiar! By the time I left headed back outside I was deep in a reminiscense of days gone by. Of a time of with more foundation. A more defined role. A lot more doing. And those accomplishments, that version of myself- oh how my mind loves to return there.
A warm pride and nostalgia fills me. I see it, I feel it. I enjoy the moment. There is nothing wrong with who we were, just as there isn’t with who we find ourselves to be Now.
I am grateful to know, however, that I can’t stay there. I can’t let the past keep me out of the present. I can’t trade the illusion of safety that memory offers for the magic of the unknown in my Now.
And so I go further into the moment.
To where, I just don’t know.

Letting It All In

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Can you breathe deeply into this moment? Can you let all of you in?

It’s a powerful thing, every time I am all in.

This is an eyes wide open meditation. Outside if possible, alone in Nature or on the streets of your city. Take a 15 minute walk with me….and every expression of you.

Desire. Obligation. Big Difference.

This video talks about noticing fear. As I’ve shared many times on this blog, the surest way to continue to suffer is to judge that which is causing it.

This isn’t a condemnation of fear. The fear of being afraid is also a fear. I still have fears, and in accepting their presence I am free to work with them, and get beyond them.

Excavation Breath

What’s triggering you lately?

Social distancing? Or perhaps those that don’t? Trump? Or those that hate on him? The ol’ retirement fund tanking? No money for rent? How will I feed my family?

Fear of dying? Sigh. It’s all getting real now, isn’t it?

Hmmm. Maybe for you it’s just the cabin fever, I hate being restricted itch. It doesn’t matter what it is. They are all diving boards if you want them to be. Launching points, if you allow them to be, into deeper healing and freedom.

You will not be the same after doing some of this. Take the feeling of a good cry and multiply by 10.

Aptly named, this is a –dig up and toss the fuck out-approach to your buried emotion. The only shovel you need is your breath. And the courage and self worth it takes to look at your suffering and say “Get in the backseat, friend. I’m taking the wheel!”

So, I’m not gonna explain the process. Jeff does that in the video. I will just offer that if it resonates, but you don’t happen to be sad, afraid or pissed off at the moment, wait till you are. You will need the authenticity and momentum of the felt moment to get started, and keep going. And of course you want access to some privacy. Let the noise come on out. Energy needs vibration to leave the body.

Many thanks to Jeff Brown. For all his inner work and the books, videos and written posts that it has birthed.

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One of the great risks we are facing in the heart of this panic-demic is that we hold onto our emotions too tightly, gripping tight for dear life. This is a natural response when we are in a survivalistic state of being, but is actually not the thing that will serve us. Emotional release is. We must release our emotional holdings and shed our armor so that we can create space inside to see things clearly. And to ensure our well-being is not compromised by an overload of anxiety. Release, release, release. With this in heart, I read one of the exercises from my book, Grounded Spirituality. Called, 'The Excavation Meditation'. You don't need a large space to do it. You can do it sitting on the floor in your room.

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